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Poor Writers' Blog

A Writer's Guide To The Book of The Dead.

SLAP HAPPY is here to confirm every scribbler's worst suspicions. There is a murky cloud hanging over our laptops, zapping connections to the Dark Side and a Devilish evil doer named Bob.

Sure, a writing career has its hilarious moments, or rather plots, but after all, laughing at misery is almost always a better option than total freak outs. If we didn't know going in, we learned the cold, hard facts of trying to be published the second we tapped in those damning words "Chapter One". A novel is a complicated, depleting, solitary journey. If a writer isn't a masochist at the beginning, by Chapter Ten, all is made clear—maybe we should have listened to Mom and joined a trade to unclog crappy drains, re-tar mobile home roofs in Florida or climb utility poles in a Cat 2 storm to tempt electrocution. Writing is definitely not an occupation for sissies.

I earned my credentials the hard way by knocking off nearly every agent who liked my work and refusing to give up despite the tons of rejections, insults, indifferent shrugs and dead-ends. So many hopes and promises dashed on the shores of Astral mischief and ennui. Thank the Lord, or somebody who's up there, we now have an explanation for all this poppycock. Publishers are no more than salesmen, hyping their newest gadget. Why should celebs and pols win all the rewards for their boring screeds and tell-all confessionals? Writers are like the icing on a cinnamon roll—nice but not really necessary. So why shouldn't the Dark Side offer a better deal, promise to level the playing field?

Being an author is not all weep and woe. Lots of us are published, have good reviews and actually enjoy writing and falling asleep on the keyboard at three am. l keep reminding myself how happy I am every day my email slaps me down to reality with a "Sorry, no thanks" flag.

Take a look at Slap Happy and join the company of every one of us who persists despite the crazy odds, bargains with Satan if need be to salve our souls with the promise of a best seller. In the process, we deserve a chuckle or two as we discover what fate and a little peek at reality in the Uni can look like.


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